Friday, January 22, 2016

Loss, Love And Foggy Lenses

The first month of 2016 is almost over. I've seen multiple reminders on social media about the importance of "living in the moment." Not overthinking things. Not fretting about the future. Not dwelling on the past. Just breathing deeply and focusing on today. Reminds me of Pooh's and Piglet's conversation.


I must admit that, since last spring, when great loss descended upon me without warning (or explanation), my days have been lived behind a foggy lens. Some moments are brighter than others, but every day is blurred.

I saw a quote recently (attributed to Queen Elizabeth II) that says: "Grief is the price we pay for love." After considering those words, I wondered if I love too deeply. I also wondered if it's ever wrong (or maybe crazy) to keep loving, even when no love is returned, and your emotions are squashed, like a bothersome, repulsive bug. I honestly don't know the answer to that, but either way, it doesn't matter. I can't stop loving. I've tried.

I've discovered one thing that puts a genuine smile on my face in the midst of the gloom, however: Arabella Marie, my adorable grandniece. I call her my puddin' pie, and I visit whenever I can. She's started waving her little arm when she sees me, and for a few precious moments, the fog lifts, and brilliant rays of joy come shining in. I hope I can always be a part of her life, and that she'll always be excited to see me. ☺


A few months back, I printed out the 23rd Psalm and hung it in my office at work. Daily it reminds me that the Lord is with me, and mercy and goodness are following me, and even though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I'm not alone.

I love the wording of that verse. The psalmist didn't say, "Yea, though I die in the valley," or "Yea, though I stay in the valley." He said, "Yea, though I walk through the valley." That gives me faith that, no matter how foggy the lens is today, I'll see clearly again. These tears will dry. This heart will mend. And the loss that I have suffered, God will surely restore.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Psalm 34:18

♦  ♦  ♦
I'm joining the good people at Spiritual Sundays.

16 comments:

  1. What a precious grandniece you have! Mine is 1500 miles away and I would love to be nearer to her. She is 3 1/2 now.
    I read your bio to the right. May I briefly share that I was married for 10 years and then divorced for 13. I truly thought I would never trust a man, nor marry again. BUT...God had His plans for me and had this wonderful man cross my path and we are now married 22 1/2 years. He had never married and was 45. I was also 45. He did not think that marriage was going to happen to him but our God knew we needed one another. And he is the best person for me and I for him. God knows.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    PS...I love the Pooh and Piglet quote and picture.

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    1. Wow, Linda. Your story of finding lasting love later in your life is beautiful. God's timing and his ways are always perfect. Thank you for stopping by.

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  2. Life is too short to let a certain kind of loss destroy you. You have to accept that it was probably for the best and go on living.

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    1. Life is, indeed, short, LV. I am finding strength during this dark season in my faith, family and friends. Thank you for stopping by.

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  3. Dear twin sister, I love how you picked up on that walking "through the valley of the shadow of death." I've never thought of it quite like that, but it is comforting, isn’t it? I can say, without hesitation that you are perhaps the strongest woman I know, and I mean that sincerely. Thirteen years ago, I watched in awe as you went through an unwanted divorce, somehow pulling yourself together, making a new life for yourself and your then teenaged daughter, often living on the edge of the unknown, having to scratch out a new path. Your faith in God was so big and bold and beautiful and it was inspiring just watching how you managed to walk through the valley of divorce, and make it to the mountaintop again, through sheer grit, determination, hard work, and complete faith in God.

    Even though the loss you speak of now is quite different, and deeper, and even though it’s been, by far, the most difficult path you’ve had to walk, I want you to know that on your hardest day, on your worst day, you still bring so much value to those who adore you and love you and recognize your talents and gifts and accomplishments. You are an amazing woman and have much to offer the world.

    Thank you for wanting to be a part of my precious granddaughter's life. Arabella is so blessed to have you, and it's clear that you two already have a special relationship. I believe it's important for little ones to have “seasoned” women in their lives, and not every child is blessed with such women. Arabella is truly blessed to have your love, your life's experiences, and your time. These photos of you two are simply adorable and make me smile every time I look at them.

    Speaking of "foggy lenses," mine are foggy now because this post made me cry. I love you, today, tomorrow, always.

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    1. Dear twin sister, only God knows what you mean to me every day, and during this time of grief, you have been my rock, giving of yourself in so many ways, even while carrying your own heavy load. That defines a truly strong woman. I love you beyond measure, and I know your crown in heaven will be large.

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    2. *tears* of love and compassion for our sweet Gayle. Love you, beautiful friend. May the Lord's Face shine upon you and dry up those foggy lenses today... our favorite.

      *hugs*
      Kelley~

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  4. Oh, dear Gayle! My heart just broke when I read your dear comment on my blog. I do not know what you have walked through, but having passed through many valleys myself and dealing with the pangs of grief, it hurts me to know how much you have suffered. I surely trust Jesus to comfort you and hold you close. That dear, little baby girl is just a living doll!! What a precious sweetheart! She looks very content and happy on your lap, and I am so thankful you have her to help fill the void left by your loss. If you ever need me, I am here for you....I don't have the answers, but I can pray. :) God bless you, and please keep in touch. I will be praying for you!

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    1. Cheryl, thank you so much for your words of love and encouragement. I need your prayers, and I am asking God to bless you abundantly.

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  5. Such a wonderful thought on the psalm!
    I never thought of it that way...
    And I think I am familiar with what you are describing in the beginning of your post.
    I recently discovered Mindfullness and Mindfullness Meditation.
    It is wonderful! There are books, and I have an amazing app called simply The Mindfullness App.
    It has helped immensely with my recent bout of anxiety.
    Prayers and love!

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayers during this season of pain. I pray God's blessings on your and yours, Billie Jo.

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  6. I can only surmise what you are or have been walking through. I know it's big. But there is someone bigger then that and He loves you. We are here for you, unconditionally, no explanation needed.
    Sending up prayers at this moment for you.

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    1. Christine, thank you for your encouraging words and your reminder that God is bigger than this valley of tears. I'm grateful for your prayers, and I pray God blesses you and yours.

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  7. Today is my favorite day too! I guess I"m more like Pooh than I thought. Arabella Marie is gorgeous. What a blessing to have her! I hope you can stop by:

    http://collettaskitchensink.blogspot.com/2016/01/songs-on-sunday-greater-is-he-by-blanca.html

    Colletta

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  8. Gayle, I am so sorry that you have suffered this great loss. What a wonderful thing it is though to be able to walk through this valley holding the hand of Jesus on one side and your precious twin on the other. Whatever burden you are having to bear, I pray it will be lightened with each passing day. Prayers.

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  9. What a blessing you are Gayle. I am truly sorry for your loss, but I know God has been with you through it all and lifted you up high to be a testimony and how truly Arabella is to have someone like you to mentor her and love her. I love my nieces and nephews.

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