Friday, August 29, 2014

August 22, 2014


My dearest Audrey,

I had been looking forward to you spending the night with me all month, so when you finally arrived Friday evening, I couldn’t open the front door fast enough. And there you were, on the hip of Aunt Courtney, your blonde hair aglow in the August sun, smiling from ear-to-ear and reaching your little arms my direction. Nonni’s heart all but exploded with joy.

The next few hours zipped by as we sang old songs and learned new songs, and read old books and new books, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. Your smile is totally infectious, and when you laugh, it’s straight from the heart.

Aunt Dayle popped in to see her “pie,” and my, oh, my—there was dancing in the foyer. I mean, really. Aunt Dayle could’ve won a prize or something. I’m thankful you have Aunt Dayle in your life. You’ll be thankful, too, as the years go by.

And then it was just us again.

After dinner was done, we washed our hands at the kitchen sink. You love running water, and you promptly decided an all-out splashing was what you really needed, feet and all. So, Nonni canceled plans for a bathtub bath, and a sink bath quickly ensued. And what fun you had with my less-than-inventive bath toy of a small plastic bowl, filling it up and pouring it out again.

Once you were dried off, I put some smell-good lotion on you and dressed you for bed. It had been a long time since I had been with you at bedtime, and even longer since you had spent the night at my house, so I was a bit anxious about how the evening would go.

With your bottle and favorite blanket in hand, we climbed the stairs to your room. As evening shadows gathered outside, I sat in the rocker, hoping you would let me rock you for awhile. And you did. It was heaven on earth. I sang and hummed one of your favorite songs until your little eyes grew heavy with sleep. Once I laid you down, you drifted off into a peaceful slumber.


As daylight sifted through the bedroom curtains, I heard you jabbering in your crib. There is nothing any sweeter than the sound of you jabbering, and I am sure heaven’s choir stopped to listen in. Another day was about to start, and sunshine was in abundant supply. ♦

Saturday, August 9, 2014

12 Years Post Divorce - God Is Faithful

Although I don't celebrate divorce, I have celebrated God's faithfulness to me every year since mine, and this month marks 12 years of living on my own. Some years have been especially difficultjoblessness, physical challenges, stupid personal choices and troubling realities beyond my control. But the good years have outnumbered the bad, and for that I'm truly grateful. As I've said before, in feast or in famine, three things get me through life: Faith, Family and Friends.


Without question, God has blessed me with wonderful FRIENDS. Some live near; some live far. Some are old; some are new. But all have made this journey a little easier in some way. A meaningful card, a caring phone call, a timely text message. Lunch, dinner, breakfast. Even if we only shared a cup of coffee, your outstretched hands meant more than I can say, and I am honored to call you friend.

Thanksgiving - 2013

Having a FAMILY to love and listen when times are hard is something money cannot buy, of course, and I'm beyond grateful for mine. Each member holds a special place in my heart.

2002

My parents have always epitomized unconditional lovemeaning they haven't always agreed with my choices in life, but they have always loved me, and have always been there for me when I was in need. I have given that same kind of love to my child, and no child should ever be without it.

After my divorce, Mom and Dad were pillars of strength. Not only did they open their arms, but when things didn't go as I had planned, they opened their home. Day, after gloomy day, while I tried to focus and get my footing, they reassured me that the rain wouldn't last forever. The clouds would surely part. The sun would shine again. Sometimes you just have to walk by FAITH.


And walk by FAITH, I did. My journals tell the story. I revisited them this week.

When days turned into months, and I couldn't find a job, I wrote of how faithful God is. When I was barely making enough money to put food on my table, I wrote of how faithful God is. When disappointments came, I wrote of how faithful God is. When I felt betrayed by those I trusted, I wrote of how faithful God is. No matter how bleak the days were—and there were many bleak, bleak daysI was never without hope, as long as I had my FAITH

2002

And my FAITH didn't go unrewarded, of courseAs the old hymn says, "All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!" I don't know what my journey would look like without my FAITH, but I know how favored it's been because of it. 

2002

Likewise, I don't know what my life would look like without my two sisters, but how rich it's been because of them! They are like giant sequoias in life's national forest, rooted deep and soaring skyward. Even in the midst of their own battles, they still lift my head when needed and help me find courage to fight another day.

We all need words of encouragement sometimes, and when you hear them from someone who has faced and fought their own fires of adversity, they aren't just hollow words, my friend. You can take them to the bank.


Of course, my journey would've been much lonelier without my beloved Leslie at my side. Her very existence kept me going when death seemed less painful. She is truly God's gift to me, and I love her without measure.

Regardless of why parents divorce, all children are innocent victims, often taking on roles they weren't intended to play, and their struggles can last a lifetime. It's easy for both parents to lose sight of that. One parent is usually focused on self-survival, while the other parent is usually just focused on self. In both cases, the children get lost in the rubble, like war torn refugees.

After it became clear that Leslie and I would be living on our own, she made this poignant collage for me pictured below. She was 16 at the time. Today, it hangs in my bathroom and is a priceless treasure.


If you look closely, near the bottom, you'll see the words, "You can lean on me." I remember the day she gave it to me, and how my heart ached and tears welled up in my eyes when reading those five little words. In fact, tears still come when I read them. Why? Because no child should ever feel the need to shoulder the load of a parent.

2003

Undoubtedly, I could have been a better mother during the stormy years following my divorce. More times than not, I was flying by the seat of my pants, with the wipers on high, trying to see the road and stay out of the ditches. And although that doesn't excuse any failings on my part, I can't change what happened in the pastnone of us can. All I can do is focus on today.

Photo by: Megan Ella Photography

Yes, Leslie is grown and has become a strong woman in many way, but she still needs her mother. I never realized just how much until recently, and I want to take whatever steps necessary to be the best mother I can possibly be. In the words of Mother Theresa, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

Photos by: Megan Ella Photography

If you know me at all, you know that becoming a grandmother last year added meaning to my life in countless ways, not to mention more joy than one heart can old.

Like most mothers and prospective grandmothers, I suppose, I had hoped a husband (to love, protect and provide) would be a part of my daughter's baby plans, but from the moment I heard the heartbeat of the child she carried, I knew grand-parenting would be a breathtaking experience for me.


And I was right, of course. Loving Audrey Emeline is like no love I've ever known. Whenever she's with me, any burdens I'm carrying are merely feathers in the wind. No, I can't shield her from storms (just like I couldn't shield my own child), but I can be a godly grandmother of FAITH, who prays for her every day, and offers a soft place to fall if she ever needs to come running.

♦    ♦    ♦

And that bring us to August 2014.

As of today, I have a great-paying job, live in a nice house and drive a car that I paid for. I don't know what tomorrow holds, of course, but wherever it leads, my FAITH will go with meand hopefully, friends and family, too. ☺


Someone recently suggested (for the umpteenth time) that I get married again. I admit that 12 years is a long time to make your own coffee and drive your own self, but I'm pretty sure that marrying again isn't something I want to do. However, for the sake of this blog (that just might never end) let's pretend that it is. We have the issue of where to look.

Oh, I've had dates and some would-be suitors, but for the most part, women my age aren't a hot commodity in the dating sceneand quite frankly, men my age aren't such a hot prize either. However, for the sake of this blog (that's becoming a novel as I type) let's pretend that none of that is true.

And let's also pretendsince we've now officially entered the land of make-believethat there is a castle filled with handsome kings who all want to marry me. We then have the issue of what I'm looking for. And therein, my friends, lies the real rub: I have no idea.

I mean, it varies from day to day, depending on my mood, my desires, or my immediate need or crisis. One day, it's a carpenter, the next day, it's a chef. One day a mechanic, the next day a masseur. The other night, after helplessly watching a butter knife go clanging down the kitchen sink, a pea trap expert sounded mighty good to me. (Are you getting my drift here?)

And of course, when twin sister and brother-in-law board Cloud Nine and head to faraway places, the only man I'm interested in is a financially sound one, with a penchant for travel and a big RV.


Perhaps I'm over-thinking thingsas I have a tendency to dobut the way I see it, until I can firmly nail down what I want in a man, I should continue making my own coffee and driving my own self. Maybe in another 12 years, I'll have figured it all out. ♦


Linking with Spiritual Sundays.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Being Filled to Fulfill

After almost a week of being cooped inside the house with a fever and sore throat, dining on sandwiches and chips just wasn't cutting it anymore. My body needed hot (if not terribly nourishing) food. A quick dash to Jack-in-the-Box could solve that problem, but, alas, the dash didn't happen. Dead battery. Unhappy, hungry me.

After a few text messages and phone calls, a new battery was installed. One turn of the ignition, and life began again.

As I backed down the driveway, I thought about my car without a battery. It looked great. It sat great. Nice tires. An engine under the hood. Plenty of gasoline. Plenty of oil. A beautiful piece of machinery, but totally useless for all intents and purposes.

Likewise, if Christians are to fulfill their purpose in lifeto be the hands, the feet and the mouthpiece of Godlooking good isn't enough. We have to have the Spirit of God under our hoods, filling us with power to go, and do, and speak. Without it, we are useless jars of clay, offering nothing of value to our sin-sick world.


"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God."
Romans 8:14

I'm linking to Spiritual Sundays.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Mosaic Monday - FaceTime with the Grandchild

July 6, 2014

Thanks to my daughter's diligence, Audrey and I do FaceTime almost every day. Occasionally, I initiate the call, but since I don't know Miss Audrey's availability, Leslie usually calls me. I must say, it never gets old. Seeing Audrey's little face light up melts my heart and fills me with more joy than I can contain. Some days, we sing and some days we just "talk" and be silly, but every moment is a priceless memory made. I love her dearly, and I'm glad she loves me.

I'm linking to Mosaic Monday.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A Salute to Red, White and Blue

I don't know about you, but I love celebrating Independence Day. I think it's the perfect day for embracing all things American, like hotdogs, watermelon, fireworks and Old Glory

And speaking of Old Glory...

Many years ago, when I was young and trotting the globe, I had dinner one evening in a charming home decorated in red, white and blue. It was love at first sight for me, and I planned to follow suit if I ever had a place of my own.

Since then, I've had ten places of my own, but not one room has been decorated in red, white and blue. I'm not sure why, but maybe I'll make it happen one of these fine days. Here are a few images I found online to inspire me. If you're needing a room makeover anywhere, maybe they'll inspire you, too.

Houzz
Don't you just love this kitchen? So fresh and bright. I can almost hear birds chirping outside the window.

Emily A. Clark
The house I visited had red tulips planted in distressed white pots scattered about the room, but I love this more masculine look, as well. These red leather chairs are sensational.

Google
The pop of yellow and the striped fabrics in this room whisper "cozy" to me.

Google
And who said red, white and blue couldn't be elegant? Wowza!

Decor Pad
Don't you think this understated bedroom with a burlap headboard would be a great place for some afternoon ZZZs? Me, too.

Better Homes and Gardens
Now, this is my kind of space. Not only the colors, but the fabrics, the shapes, the textures. Everything about it says come on in and sit a spell.

And that, my friends, concludes my salute to red, white and blue. I think I'll go hang some flags now. I hope your holiday is safe and filled with love.

♦  ♦  ♦

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Happy birthday, dear Audrey!


It's hard to believe, but tomorrow is my granddaughter's 1st birthday. In the 365 days since she's been born, she has brought more joy and sunshine into my life than she could possibly know. No matter how tired I am, or how many burdens I carry, just a glimpse of her smiling face and the gray skies turn blue.

Of course, I have taken hundreds of pictures this past year, and I wish I could post each one for your viewing pleasure, but, alas, that would take a lot of time for all involved. Instead, I've created a collage for each month, and even THAT was hard to do, since I love every picture I took. Really. At any rate, Nonni had to reign it in, but I hope you enjoy the pictures I finally chose.

I love Miss Audrey more than words can tell, and I pray we have many more years together, sharing sunshine, sugar and smiles.


June 2013
(Audrey discovers America.)

July 2013
(Sleeping soundly and having sweet dreams.)

August 2013
(Admiring her blue shoes and mesmerizing Nonni with her blue eyes.)

September 2013
(Sugar and spice, and all things nice.)

October 2013
(Discovering her feet.)

November 2013
(A fun weekend with Nonni.)

December 2013
(Christmas Memories)

January 2014
(Sleeping peacefully in her bed at Nonni's house.)

February 2014
(Another fun weekend with Nonni.)

March 2014
(Being her silly little self.)

April 2014
(Sleeping Beauty. A special month in Aunt Dayle's loving care.)

May 2014
(A month of changes and chicken pox.)

June 2014
(Practicing her raspberries, and looking gorgeous in pink.)
  ♦    ♦    ♦

Happy birthday, my dear Audrey. I hope you have many, many more.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

May Ends and June Begins ~ Savoring the Moments

May was filled with more stress than I have experienced in a very long time. But God is still on the throne, and out of the thick clouds of gray, occasional rays of sunlight peeked through.
Miss Audrey was among the brightest of rays. Every chance I get, I soak up these fleeting moments of time.
Mother's Day weekend was lovely. I visited  my mother on Saturday and spent Sunday with my only child and grandchild.
Dear Dad celebrated another birthday. I am grateful for the sound of his voice in my life.
We celebrated Memorial Day with family members at my daughter's beautiful apartment. Guess who kept us laughing.
My niece turned 30. It seems impossible. I treasure the memories we share and am proud of the woman she has become.
I did a little gardening. Nothing big, but digging in the dirt among God's unique creation always soothes my soul.

I found an accent table at the antique mall that filled a spot I had been seeking to fill for a while. It wasn't exactly what I had envisioned, but it is filling the spot just the same.

And Mom and Dad celebrated  65 years of marriage. Wow. I'm so grateful they stayed together when times were hard. Loving each other till death is the best gift they could ever give to their three daughters.

Until next time, my blogging friends, I'm finding silver linings behind every cloud and counting my blessings. ♦

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

My Beloved

These pictures of my beloved daughter and granddaughter take my breath away.
I know you'll be wowed. The magic was captured by














"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed." ~ Linda Wooten

Indeed, indeed. And I'm proud of the mother my daughter is becoming.

I'm linking to Wow Us Wednesday.